


Teaspoon :: Lost on the Island. by cheri

by Cheriluvs10



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Lost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 02:07:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2091735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheriluvs10/pseuds/Cheriluvs10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten/Rose. Parody. Crossover with Lost. The Doctor and Rose crash land on a mysterious island that is populated by mysterious people and an even more mysterious plot line.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

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**Lost on the Island.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=32977&chapid=74419) \- [6](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=32977&chapid=74419)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=32977&chapter=1) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=32977&chapter=all)   


Author's Notes:

Okay Im a huge Lost fan and Ive toyed with the idea of having the Doctor crash land on the Island (since everything else does) Ive never done any Lost fanfiction before so Im hoping thisll turn out okay. This story will be a parody too since I thought about exaggerating some of the things on the island and the way the islanders act for comedy purposes. So here goes  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 3

  
  
Chapter One  
  
“Right then, where to next, Miss Tyler?” the Doctor said to Rose as the ship spun through the vortex.  
  
“Not sure? How about we go meet some more famous people.”  
  
“And…is there someone you have in mind?” he asked.  
  
Suddenly, there was a violent lurch that knocked them both off their feet. Rose grunted as she landed hard on her side and the Doctor let out a grunt as his stomach slammed into the jump seat. He and Rose held onto the railing for dear life as the TARDIS spun out of control. Then with a boom, the TARDIS slammed down and all the lights went off.  
  
“Rose, are you alright?”  
  
“I…I think so,” Rose moaned. “What happened? It was kinda like when we…”  
  
“Fell through the void into the other universe,” the Doctor finished.  
  
His eyes widened in terror. Working instinctually, he pressed buttons and flicked switches in the dark while Rose held out her hands and walked towards the front door. The Doctor shielded his eyes when she threw open the door and continued working, trying to get the power to come back on.  
  
“Come on, Girl, you can do this. Come back to me. I don’t wanna give ten more years of my life away,” he muttered as he ran around the console.  
  
“Doctor…”  
  
The Doctor paused and noticed Rose was standing outside. She peered in at him.  
  
“Come here, you need to see this.”  
  
The Doctor walked down the ramp, out the door and froze. He looked around and noticed that they were on the outskirts of a large forest and behind the TARDIS was a large grass plain that stretched on for about a mile until it ran into another forest. Towering above it was a large mountain. There was a warm breeze blowing and the Doctor took a moment to enjoy it while he wondered where the hell they were at.  
  
“Well, not London, that’s for sure,” he said to Rose.  
  
Curiosity overwhelmed him and using the excuse of finding someone or finding parts that would help restore the TARDIS, he shut the door and he and Rose walked away across the wide plain. The Doctor put his hands in his pockets as he calmly strode across the plain while Rose struggled to keep up with him. The Doctor looked absolutely in control, manly beyond belief, as each step hit the ground with purpose. Meanwhile Rose was looking all over, hoping she didn’t step into a rabbit hole and break her leg.  
  
They got halfway across the field and the Doctor had now gotten himself into a rhythm. His steps hitting the ground, left, right, left, right. The wind blew both his tousled hair and his nose hairs gently in the breeze as he kept up his manly march towards whatever it was on the other side of the plain.  
  
“Doctor…”  
  
“Not now, Rose, I’ve got a rhythm goin’.”  
  
“Yes, but…”  
  
Just then the Doctor heard a low, loud growling.  
  
“For Heaven’s sake, Rose, control your stomach, you just had chips!” he said as he kept up his stride.  
  
“That…wasn’t…me,” Rose said in a low voice.  
  
The Doctor stopped short as he thought that over. Then he heard the low growl again and slowly turned around. His eyes nearly popped from his head when he saw a huge polar bear running towards them. It was twenty feet away and closing fast. Without meaning to, the Doctor gave out a high-pitched Mickey Smith scream and he spun around and ran with Rose towards the other side of the plain as fast as he could go. They both ran hell for leather as the massive bear bore down on them. They had almost reached the other side when Rose hazarded a glance back and noticed the polar bear was gone. She stopped the Doctor and both of them scanned the plain but the bear had vanished.  
  
“Okay…that was…odd,” the Doctor said. “Rose, when we visit your mum again. Don’t mention we were chased by a polar bear on a warm sunny day. Anyway, back to my manly stride and looking for help.”  
  
He spun around and was off on his rhythm again as Rose hurried to keep up with him. They headed into the forest and the Doctor noticed a little path going through the woods which was nice since that meant he could still do his manly, I’m in charge and I’m studly walk of his without tripping on a limb and falling flat on his face. No, the last thing he wanted was for Rose to see him trip up and fall since he knew that he was setting an example for his young assistant who naturally looked up to him and had a great set of tits on top of that.  
  
They walked on, the Doctor looking left and right, his eagle eyes studying every rock, leaf and Rose’s bountiful breasts. The last examination he did without her knowing about it and when she finally did cotton on, he quickly swiveled his head back around and looked at a caterpillar climbing up a tree trunk.  
  
“Oh look at the pretty caterpillar!” he said in an attempt to fool Rose into thinking he’d been staring at that all along and not her two enormous jugs which were bouncing up and down, up and down in her loose white tank top.  
  
The Doctor considered that as they walked along. After all, it wasn’t too long ago he’d been a happy little asexual alien, just flying through time and space minding his own business and then one morning, there they were, Rose’s rack right in front of him, and suddenly his long dead ding dong rose to attention and took notice. After that, it was nothing but thoughts of Rose’s T and A and somehow getting them both for the poor man. But…why did he suddenly feel the need to ride his companion like a pony around his console room? After all, he came from a logical race, sorta like Mister Spock…except with better ears…and eyebrows…and hair. Okay, he was dead sexy compared to Spock but that wasn’t the point. The point was he wasn’t supposed to lust after his buxom little assistant. Well…then again, there was Grace Holloway…but be fair, he was in America, land of hedonistic pleasures, and he just gave in for a short time to his long dead urges and tried to get in Grace’s pants, is that so bad? Then there was Peri and her need to wear tight clothes and shorts that rode up so far he could see her pubic hair and for one brief maddening moment, he thought about tearing off his multicolored eyesore of an outfit and tearing off the handkerchiefs she called an outfit and boinking her on top of his central column while it went up and down, but he had a perfectly good explanation for that particular fit of madness. He was insane in his sixth life, that’s why he wore clothes louder than a sonic boom with little cat badges that screamed out gay person everywhere he went. Then again…the Doctor seemed to recall one night getting up for a cup of tea just after he met Rose and suddenly a bespectacled man jumped out of the shadows of the TARDIS corridor armed with a ray gun.  
  
“Who are you?” the Doctor demanded.  
  
“I am Russell T. Davies and this is my show now! And you’re going to ignore forty five years of canon and be hornier than a ten mile parade of brass bands. And to help you along, here’s my Viagra ray!”  
  
“Your what?”  
  
That’s the last words he said as an asexual because Russell hit him with that ray and Wee Willie Winkie was never the same again. And now, walking along in this tropical paradise, Wee Winkie was screaming at him to wake up, rip Rose’s clothes off and bang her senseless against the nearest palm tree.  
  
No, I must resist, the Doctor thought to himself. I am a Time Lord and she’s a human and even though we look the same and have the same parts and speak English and like chips, it must never be because there is a curse about me.  
  
The Doctor frowned. When did that happen? He never thought of his life as a curse. Then again, he reasoned the bespectacled man with the Viagra gun put that in his thoughts in order to create angst and make millions of fans tear their hair out in frustration since they were also waiting for him to get naked and throw her up against a palm tree.  
  
The Doctor was so consumed with these thoughts that he didn’t realize there was a bald man in front of him pointing a gun at his face until he smacked into the muzzle of it. He backed up in shock and swiveled around to stare at Rose.  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me that was there?” he said, pointing to the bald, sweaty man with the gun.  
  
“I thought you were gonna attack him,” Rose said, shrugging.  
  
“No, I wasn’t. I was thinking!” he said. “And a lot of help you were, you’re s’posed to warn me when I’m about to walk into guns and…”  
  
He trailed off as his eyes landed on the soft mounds of flesh under her tank top. He watched transfixed as they moved up and down slightly with her breathing and Wee Winkie was screaming at him to make a move.  
  
Then he felt the muzzle of the gun against the back of his head and he wanted nothing more than to rip it from Cue Ball’s hands and beat him to death with it for interrupting his view of paradise.  
  
“Who are you and what are you doing here?” Cue Ball said in a gruff voice.  
  
The Doctor bit back the urge to scream, I’m the Doctor and I’m about to boink my companion against a palm tree. Instead, he calmly turned and instantly adopted the, I’m in charge, you’re not so don’t argue with me look he gave people who he wished to exert his boundless authority over. The man wasn’t scared or impressed in the least. He just stood there with his gun aimed at them waiting for an answer.  
  
“I’m the Doctor,” he said, figuring that would instantly answer any question of Cue Ball’s which would free up valuable time that he needed to be his natural I’m the lord and master here self.  
  
“Doctor who?” the man said.  
  
The Doctor’s eyelid twitched. He hated that question with a passion and he had to restrain himself lest he go off on Cue Ball and beat his shiny Mister Clean head in with his own gun.  
  
“Just the Doctor,” he said, giving him the same answer he’d given forty trillion other dumb yokels who asked.  
  
“Mm,” the man grunted. “Name’s Locke, John Locke.”  
  
The Doctor stared at him. John Locke, the philosopher? If this was him, he needed some Rogaine and a razor to the face pretty damn fast. Then again, what was John Locke, the philosopher, doing out in the middle of polar bear infested tropical paradise? And for that matter, what was the bleedin’ polar bear doing out in the middle of polar bear infested tropical paradise? And for that matter, who was the fat lump coming up behind John Locke, scooping out handfuls of peanut butter that came out of a large can of Dharma Initiative brand peanut butter and cramming it into his gob like he was going to be dead in forty seconds and needed his last meal pronto? Fat Boy stopped directly beside the famed philosopher.  
  
“Dude, who are these people?”  
  
Aha, the Doctor thought. Obviously, a stoner having some peanut butter after smoking an enormous doobie. Now it all fits. I’m so brilliant. And handsome too…unlike Spock. Yup, Mister Spock is an ugly pointy-eared bastard compared to me. And…I can think circles around Mister Pointy Ears any day. Yup, I’m definitely God’s gift to the universe and…  
  
“Hey buddy, you haven’t answered my question,” John Locke, the philosopher, growled. “What are you doing here?”  
  
“Well, I’m the Doctor, as I said…and my companion, Rose and I were traveling in my ship, minding our own business when we suddenly crash landed here. Then we were chased by a polar bear and it disappeared which makes me wonder if I didn’t catch a whiff of Stoner Boy’s joint there and my companion and I were off on some funky marijuana induced trip which would explain the polar bear but then again unlike fat and scraggly over there, I’m not hungry at the moment and I was under the impression, you smoke a joint and you suddenly want to eat everything in sight and…  
  
“Wait, you have a ship?” John Locke, the famous and very bald philosopher said as he cut into the Doctor’s rambling.  
  
The Doctor’s eyelid twitched.  
  
“Excuse me, did you dare to interrupt me in the middle of one of my patented ramblings?” he said. “Because I didn’t give you permission to speak and…”  
  
He quickly shut the hell up when John Locke, the famed and evidently pissed off philosopher, fired his shotgun once in the air before leveling it at his head.  
  
“Your ship. Take us to it!” he growled at the Doctor.  
  
The Doctor sighed a world weary why must I deal with insane gun-toting philosophers kind of sigh and beckoned to him and the fat stoner dude. Then he and Rose turned around and walked back across the plain towards their TARDIS.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 3  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
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	2. Chapter 2

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 3

  
  
Chapter Two  
  
The Doctor and Rose trudged back across the plain towards the TARDIS. This time, the Doctor’s gait was not the usual self assured gait he used when he knew he was the smartest thing around, it was more of a stomping gait that signified to the world that he was about to ram Cue Ball’s gun up a very private and very painful place if he didn’t get it away from the back of his head.  
  
As they were walking, Fat Boy was talking to Cue Ball about the TARDIS.  
  
“Dude, if they have a ship, we can finally get off this island,” Fat Boy was saying.  
  
“I asked them to take me to their ship but not so we can get off the island,” John Locke, the gun toting philosopher replied, “I want them to take me to it so I can blow it up.”  
  
The Doctor, not sure if he’d heard right, spun around and grunted when Locke kept going and the barrel of the gun hit his Adam’s apple.  
  
“Sorry, I don’t think I heard you right,” he said as everyone stopped. “You’re…going to blow my ship up.”  
  
“That’s right, I am,” Locke said.  
  
“Dude, why would you do that?” Fat Boy asked.  
  
“Because, Hugo, no one is leaving the Island. Everyone who comes here is here for a purpose. This…is your destiny!” he said to the Doctor.  
  
“Uh-huh.” The Doctor said, “and…uh…how do you know this is my destiny?”  
  
John Locke, the militant and slightly insane philosopher, turned his eyes skyward for a moment. The Doctor and Rose looked up with him as they wondered what the hell he was looking at. Then John Locke, the really weird gun toting philosopher, looked at both of them and smiled.  
  
“The Island speaks to me. It told me you need to be here,” he said.  
  
There was a hushed silence broken only by the smacking of Hurley’s lips as he chowed down his peanut butter. For several seconds, the Doctor and John stared at one another. Then….very slowly…the Doctor and Rose began to back away.  
  
“Right…” the Doctor said as he backed away. “Sure, Mister Locke, why don’t you have a nice lie down and maybe land masses won’t talk to you anymore, k?”  
  
“You can’t escape,” Locke said, following after him. “No matter where you go, the Island will keep you here and not only that, it’ll show you things…things you may not wanna see.”  
  
“Like the barrel of your gun?” the Doctor said.  
  
“You’ll see I’m right, Doctor. The Island will help you if you let it.”  
  
“Right, yeah, I’ll pass on that, thanks. Rose…”  
  
“Yes, Doctor?”  
  
“RUN!” he bellowed.  
  
They ran away across the plain towards the other side and the safety of the woods. While they ran, the Doctor prayed that Nutty wouldn’t shoot and blow his brains out. So far in his lives he’d been lucky and avoided being shot to death by someone….wait a moment, on second thought, he did die in a shooting but that particular shooting was embarrassing and he had put it out of his mind because come on, after facing Daleks and Cybermen and the Master, the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm, dies in a gang bang by a bunch of Asian teens? Nope, not gonna count that one, no siree bob, too embarrassing…so, as I was saying…the Doctor had never been shot before so he had no idea what it was gonna feel like. But in the end, he didn’t have to worry because they made it to the woods without hot lead projectiles entering their bodies.  
  
Then another strange thing happened. The TARDIS was not where he parked it. The Doctor looked all around trying to find his missing time ship and when Rose finally pointed out its location, the Doctor’s mouth dropped open. Because the TARDIS was now waaaaaaaaaaaaaay up on top of a cliff about ten miles from their location. It was perched on the edge as if it were watching them.  
  
“Um, that’s not where I parked,” the Doctor said, pointing up to her.  
  
The Doctor was now incensed. This was turning out to be a very bad day. A polar bear nearly ran him down and he was sure he would have been eaten and turned into polar poo. He met a bald, gun toting philosopher and a fat, peanut butter eating stoner who were both completely certifiable. And now, the TARDIS had decided to play the temporal ship version of sit in the car, wait for your younger sister to try to get in and then hit the gas and drive up a few feet while you giggle at her game. The Doctor was furious but he knew that his buxom young companion looked up to him and he must never show emotion in front of her. So…putting on an unconcerned face, he gave Rose his most winning “Nothing’s wrong with me at all,” smile and said sweetly.  
  
“Rose, could you…be a lamb and wait here? I gotta do something.”  
  
Rose nodded and stood patiently while the Doctor calmly walked past her into a dense part of the forest. Her eyes widened when twenty seconds later she heard, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR-GAH!” and then ten seconds after that the Doctor came bounded back to her side, convinced she hadn’t heard a thing.  
  
“Right then,” he said, slapping his hands together. “shall we go get my TARDIS so I can give her a good spanking for her naughty behavior?”  
  
“You what?” Rose said. “You spank your TARDIS when she’s bad?”  
  
The Doctor stared at her with a deer caught in the headlights look. Then he slowly passed his hand in front of his body while he said, “You didn’t just hear me say that.”  
  
“Doctor, for the thousandth time, the Jedi mind trick doesn’t work,” Rose said.  
  
“It does work,” the Doctor said, passing his hand in front of his body.  
  
“No, it doesn’t.”  
  
“Okay, how ‘bout if I put my fingers up to your temples and erase your memories. That does work, trust me.”  
  
“Um…no, no need for that. I never heard you say you spank your TARDIS,” Rose said quickly.  
  
“Good. Shall we proceed?”  
  
They both started off along a narrow dirt path that the Doctor hoped would take them straight to the TARDIS. While they walked, the Doctor kept glancing back over his shoulder but Cue Ball and Fat Boy hadn’t followed them. Happy that he was alone with Bum and Breasts, he resumed his natural exuberant, happy go lucky, I’m in charge and you’re not walk. As they walked, they were unaware of a large black smoke creature that was slowly stalking them from behind. It had nearly reached them when it passed over a little twig and the twig snapped. The smoke monster cursed softly as the Doctor and Rose turned.  
  
“Um…what is that?” Rose asked.  
  
“Well…I’m pretty sure it’s not a big bonfire where we’ll roast frankfurters and marshmellows.”  
  
They gasped when the monster suddenly glided towards them. With another shout of “RUN!” the two of them sped off down the path with the smoke monster in pursuit. Rose looked behind her and darted off to the left hoping the smoke creature would become confused. She cursed when it started following her instead.  
  
“I HATE THIS BLOODY ISLAND! “she screamed as she ran.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
The Doctor ran and ran and ran, panting and gasping and cursing the stupid Island and it’s polar bears and killer smoke. Then, after running about a half a mile, he slowed down and paused for a moment while he listened. He couldn’t hear anything behind him so he turned and that’s when he noticed Rose wasn’t with him.  
  
“Um…Rose…hello?” he said, looking around.  
  
He got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he noticed the smoke monster wasn’t around either.  
  
“No,” he said in a hushed dramatic whisper.  
  
He slowly sank to his knees as he stared at the forest in a numbed silence. Slowly, he began to shake his head and he let out a ragged sob as one lone tear streaked down his cheek.  
  
“No,” he said in the hushed whisper. “Rose, you can’t be dead! You have to be alive.”  
  
The sorrow was replaced by determination and he leapt to his feet.  
  
“No!” he said with a determined steely gaze. “Rose IS alive! And I will find her if I have to rip this place apart!”  
  
He struck a heroic pose. Then, he was amazed when he saw a fat, balding white guy in a grey business suit step through the trees carrying a large, bulky briefcase.  
  
“Hi! Great acting!” he said with an American accent as he shook the Doctor’s hand.  
  
“Um, I wasn’t acting,” the Doctor said.  
  
“I know! You acted that scene so well it felt like it wasn’t acting!” the man gushed.  
  
“I’m sorry, who are you?”  
  
“I’m Gerald Grubermeyer of the American chapter of the I love the Doctor fan club. Are you aware of just how many yanks there are in America that wanna jump your bones?”  
  
The Doctor gave him an odd look.  
  
“Um…no.”  
  
“No? Why there’s literally thousands of em! All horny for you! But that’s not why I’m here. I’m here because every American wanted to reward you for your awesome acting skills. And so…here you go…congratulations!”  
  
He opened the briefcase, pulled out an Oscar statue and handed it to him.  
  
“There you go, you just won yourself an Academy Award.”  
  
“Um…according to the plaque on the base, this is the 1939 Gone with the Wind best picture award.”  
  
“Yeah, well, David O’ Selznick is dead now and you can’t take these things to Heaven, now can you?”  
  
He let out a boisterous laugh that lasted a whole minute as the Doctor stared at him in a stunned silence. When Gerald finished, he clapped the Doctor so hard on the back he grunted.  
  
“Well, anyway, gotta get back to my wife and kids in San Bernardino. Gotta think up an alibi for stealin’ that thing, ya know! But you enjoy this Oscar, you earned it! Have fun on the Island!”  
  
The Doctor stared at him as he walked back into the woods and vanished into thin air.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 3  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	3. Teaspoon :: Lost on the Island. by cheri

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 3

  
  
Chapter Three  
  
“Rose?” the Doctor called out as he walked down the path. “Rose? Oh Roooooooooooooooooooo-sah!” He stopped and scratched his head. “Now where did that nubile young minx get to?” he pondered as he looked around. “Rose? Rose!”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
The Doctor’s head jerked around and he saw a middle-aged black woman emerging from the trees. “What?” the Doctor said when she stood and looked at him impatiently.  
  
“What, what?” the woman replied.  
  
“What, what, what?” the Doctor retorted.  
  
“You called me,” the woman said impatiently.  
  
“No, I called for Rose.”  
  
“I am Rose. What do you want?”  
  
The Doctor chuckled. “No, my Rose, here take a look.” He reached deep into his trouser pocket, pulled out a polaroid and handed it to her. “My Rose,” he said, proudly.  
  
Rose stared at the photo. “Your Rose seems to be masturbating,” she said to him.  
  
The Doctor’s eyes widened and he snatched the photo from her. His worst fear was confirmed. It was the hidden camera photo he’d taken of Rose when she was in her bedroom pleasuring herself. He quickly stuffed the photo back in his pocket (and by stuffed I mean he put it back, not the sexual stuffed.)  
  
The Doctor frowned. “What was that?” he asked the narrator.  
  
“What was what?” the narrator said.  
  
“That aside you put in brackets about how you had to clarify the use of the word stuffed, what was that?”  
  
“I’m an American and stuffed doesn’t mean what you think it means over here,” the narrator said.  
  
“Well, why didn’t you use a word that didn’t have a sexual meaning in England? Then you wouldn’t have to clarify.”  
  
“Because I don’t want to. I’m lazy. Besides, it’s what you did with the photo; you stuffed it back in your pocket.”  
  
“I did no such thing. I put it gently back in my pocket!” the Doctor protested.  
  
“No, you definitely stuffed it in your pocket. I saw you,” the narrator said smugly.  
  
“No, I…why the hell am I even arguing with you?”  
  
“Because you’re weird.”  
  
The Doctor gave the narrator a dirty look before he decided to ignore her and continue with the story. “Now where were we?” he said to Rose.  
  
The Doctor (who is a completely wimpy little pansy) began asking Rose if he’d seen…  
  
“Excuse me?” the Doctor said to the narrator. “I’m what now?”  
  
The narrator was silent. The Doctor snorted and turned his attention back to Rose. “Anyway, as I was saying, I’m looking for my companion, Rose Tyler, have you seen her?”  
  
“No, haven’t heard of anyone by that name. Is she an Other?” Rose said.  
  
“Other?” the Doctor replied, confused.  
  
Yeah, an Other, the other people who live on the Island, said the narrator. Don’t you watch the show, you geeky, pencil thin dork?”  
  
“Oi! If you don’t stop that, I’m gonna have you replaced!” the Doctor said, jabbing his finger at the sky. “And don’t think I won’t because I’ll do it in a heartsbeat!”  
  
Shaking his head, he looked at Rose. “I don’t know where your friend is, I’m sorry. I was out here searching for Bernard. He’s run off again.”  
  
“Well, why don’t we help each other? We can both look for Bernard and Rose.”  
  
Rose narrowed her eyes. “Okay, but I have to go back to our camp first for some supplies. I don’t know if I should bring you though. What if you’re an Other?”  
  
“I can assure you I’m not because I have no idea who the Others are so therefore I can’t be one of them.”  
  
No, he can’t be an Other because he’s just a pencil thin, lily white douchebag.  
  
“Could you excuse me for a moment,” the Doctor said between clenched teeth.  
  
Rose stood and watched while the Doctor walked away. A few minutes later she heard the sound of someone getting the snot pummeled out of them and then the narrator begging for mercy. A short time after that the Doctor walked back to Rose, wiping blood of his hands with a handkerchief.  
  
“Right, I don’t think we’ll be hearing any more cheeky comments from the narrator,” he said to Rose. “So…where was I? Oh, yes, take me to your camp.”  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
Doctor Jack Shephard stood on the beach looking towards the forest that was on the perimeter of their camp. It had been fifty five days since their plane had crashed on the Island, leaving the survivors stranded in a harsh environment that now included the threat of mysterious people known as the Others. They had also managed to find survivors of the back half of the plane. The Tailies as they were called were struggling to fit in with the rest of the survivors. Jack, the designated leader, was trying to find a happy balance between both groups so everyone could live and work together. It wasn’t easy especially since Ana Lucia, the leader of the Tailies was used to being in charge and getting her own way.  
  
But working with her was a piece of cake compared to Locke.  
  
Jack sighed angrily. The nut had gone off into the woods again on another of his…vision quest, hunts, talks with the Island, whatever the hell it was, Jack was incensed that he was off screwing around while he should be helping him manage the camp and take care of the survivors. Shaking his head, Jack walked over to Sawyer’s tent. Sawyer was sitting under a palm tree, relaxing and reading another one of his books that he had found in someone’s luggage. Jack paused a moment as curiosity settled in and he leaned over to look at the title of the book.  
  
“The Stone Rose?” Jack muttered.  
  
Sawyer grinned as he put the book down. “Not a bad little book. About this man called the Doctor who’s an alien and he’s in love with this woman named Rose and she gets turned into a statue and…”  
  
“Yeah, whatever,” Jack said, not caring. “Have you seen Locke today?”  
  
“Nope, Chief, I don’t keep tabs on Baldy. He leaves me alone, I leave him alone.”  
  
“Yeah, well, I’m getting tired of him wandering off without telling anyone where he’s going,” Jack replied. “He needs to be here helping out in the camp.”  
  
“Think the people in the camp are more than capable of taking care of themselves, Doc,” Sawyer replied. “Why don’t you relax a little and get that stick out of your ass before you have a stroke or somethin’?”  
  
Jack’s mouth fell open. “Excuse me?” Jack said angrily.  
  
“You heard me. Relax a little. All of us are more than capable of taking care of ourselves. We did it before we met ya and I think we still know how to do it even with you bossin' everyone around. So why don’t ya go find Freckles and see if she needs a bit of an examination, huh?”  
  
Jack was minutes away from punching the smug look off his face when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. He turned to see Jin behind him, frantically pointing off to the left. He looked where he was pointing and saw Rose emerging from the trees followed by a tall, thin, gangly man who had his hands in the pockets of his pin striped pants. Everyone around them instantly leapt to their feet, suspicious of the new intruder.  
  
“Well, well, seems Rose just found us another Other,” Sawyer said, getting up from his spot.  
  
“Everyone, calm down, I’ll handle this!” Jack said as the other survivors began to panic and back away from them. He walked up to Rose. “Rose, who is this?” he said to her.  
  
“I’m the Doctor, nice to meet you,” the Doctor said, extending his hand.  
  
“Doctor who?”  
  
The Doctor’s eyelid twitched. “Just…the Doctor,” he sighed.  
  
Jack folded his arms over his chest. “So…you’re not gonna tell us who you are then?”  
  
“Um…yeah, I’m the Doctor, I just said that,” the Doctor said.  
  
“Doctor who?”  
  
“Just the Doctor.”  
  
Jack threw up his arms. He looked around and motioned for Sayid to come towards them. “Sayid, got another one who won’t cooperate with us,” Jack said to him.  
  
“I am cooperating. You asked me my name and I said it. I’m the Doctor.”  
  
Sayid came up beside Jack. “What would you like me to do?” Sayid asked Jack.  
  
“Interrogate him. Find out what he knows,” Jack replied.  
  
The Doctor’s eyes widened when Sayid smiled and cracked his knuckles.  
  
“With pleasure,” Sayid said.  
  
“Um…Mummy?” the Doctor said in a small falsetto voice as some of the other survivors grabbed him and dragged him away. 

1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 3  
  
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